Heres are some regrettable headlines that make the writers weep and colleages laugh their socks off.
THREATENING LETTERS - MAN ASKS FOR LONG SENTENCE
The Scotsman
ANTIQUE DEALER THOUGHT GIRL WAS OLDER
Birmingham Mercury
MALE STRIPPER ON HANDLING CHARGE
Slough Observer
LIMB CENTRE HIT BY WALK-OUT
Cumberland News
ONE-LEGGED ESCAPEE STILL ON THE RUN
The Australian
JEREMY THORPE TRAPPED IN COVE
The Times
NUDIST WELFAREMAN'S MODEL WIFE FELL FOR THE
CHINESE HYPNOTIST FROM THE CO-OP BACON FACTORY
NoW
MAN WHO ATTACKED WOMAN MAY HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS HIS WIFE
Macclesfield Express
POLICE FOUND POT PLANTS WERE CANNABIS
Bucks Free Press
GIRL STABBED 55 TIMES BUT NOT INTEFERRED WITH
Newcastle Journal
ARCHDEACON TURNS SOD
Barbados Advertiser
NO WATER, SO FIREMEN IMROVISED
Liverpool Daily Post
PEER'S SEAT BURNS ALL NIGHT. ANCIENT PILE DESTROYED
Wilts Gazette
SAILOR CLINGS TO BUOY FOR SEVENTEEN HOURS
Brighton Argus
MAN IN THAMES HAD DRINK PROBLEM
Reading Chronicle
ICELANDIC FISH TALKS
Grimsby Telegraph
SLIMMER OF THE YEAR VANISHES
Daily Mail
NEWLYWEDS, AGED 82 HAVE PROBLEM
Steatham News
DISMEMBERMENT KILLER CONVICTED
'Thank God the jury could put the
pieces together', says solicitor
Brockton Enterprise
Mass
PETROLEUM JELLY KEEPS IDLE TOOLS RUST-FREEE
Chicago Daily News
TEXTRON INC MAKES OFFER TO SCREW COMPANY STOCKHOLDERS
The Miami Herald
MARIJUANA ISSUE SENT TO A JOINT COMMITTEE
Toronto Star
1995
Best of The Sport
TOT LIVES 4 YEARS ON SINGLE BAKED BEAN
GIANT SPROUT FROM OUTER SPACE ATE MY PAL
109 BUS FOUND AT SOUTH POLE
LOVESICK GARDENER MARRIES HIS LETTUCE
KILLER PLANTS STALK QUEEN MUM
BABY BORN HOLDING MUM'S IUD
SIAMESE TWIN KILLS BROTHER IN BUNGLED SUICIDE ATTEMPT
Hold the Front Page!
WATERSKIING ACCIDENT RULED ACCIDENTAL
Trenton Times
New Jersey
CEMENT SUPPLIES SEEN AS ADEQUATE
The Bangkok Post
PARTY ENDS AFTER WOMAN IS MURDERED
Mooresville Tribune
North Carolina
TERMINAL ILLNESS STRAINS QUALITY OF LIFE
Arizona Republic
STATISTICS SHOW THAT TEEN PREGNANCY
DROPS OFF SIGNIFICANTLY AFTER AGE 25.
Denver Post
SOME TEENS HAVE AN AIR OF DEFIANCE
Washington Post
FOOD IS BASIC TO STUDENT DIET
Bridgeport (Connecticut) Post
BITING NAILS CAN BE SIGN OF TENSENESS IN A PERSON
The Daily Gazette
Schenectady, New York, May 2 1995
HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES IS THE CORE
OF SELF-ESTEEM, SAYS AUTHOR LOUISE HART
Sunday Camera
Boulder, Colorado, February 5 1995
SEARCH CALLED OFF WHEN MAN IS FOUND
North County Times
California
JUDGE NOT CONVINCED MURDER VICTIM IS ALIVE
The Baltimore Sun
Maryland
SURVEY FINDS DIRTIER SUBWAYS AFTER CLEANING JOBS WERE CUT
The New York Times
November 22 1995
LARGER KANGAROOS LEAP FARTHER, RESEARCHERS FIND
The Los Angeles Times
November 2 1995
ALCOHOL ADS PROMOTE DRINKING
The Hartford Courant
November 18 1995
MALLS TRY TO ATTRACT SHOPPERS
The Baltimore Sun
October 22 1995
MAN RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN DIES
The Los Angeles Times
March 2 1995